The Shots archive
THE FIRST ANNUAL SHOTTY AWARDS
Derek Schultz
My, how the time flies by! The start of June signified the one year anniversary of The Shots, and in honor of that milestone anniversary, we present the 1st annual Shotty Awards! I went through the archives and tried to extract the best, and worst of the year in The Shots. From bad predictions to the handful of times that I was actually right, and through the Swishes, Bricks, and Air Balls, I think you’ll enjoy looking back.
Before we start, I’m not going to get emotional or anything but I want to give a sincere thanks to all of you. Thanks for not blaming me for losing money on false predictions. Thanks for not being too hard on me during the weeks where I don’t get around to updating the column. Thanks for putting up with my unnecessary Knicks/Giants/Yankees mentions and bias. Thanks for e-mailing The Shots link to friends and co-workers. Thanks for sending Chick Picks and hilarious YouTube clips. Thanks for supporting the XL 950 website.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I hope that you enjoy The Shots as much as I enjoy writing it. There is nothing that brings me more pleasure than sharing my thoughts (and rants) with you, each and every week.
One year with The Shots - I promised myself I wouldn't cry...
On that note, let’s kick The Shotties off with a pat on the back (before we get to the kick in the <expletive>)…
The “I am the Smartest Man Alive” Award
Winner (tie): Eli Manning ranked 23rd in Peter King’s NFL QB Rankings (Week of June 23)
Quotable: “Have you seen King’s NFL QB rankings for this season? Where to even start? Vince Young 7th? Wow. Maybe it was his sweet 51.5% completion percentage last year that vaulted VY into the top ten. Jon Kitna 9th - the same Jon Kitna that led the Lions to THREE wins last year?….I try to bury my Giants’ homerisms but he ranks Eli Manning 23rd – behind J.P. Losman and Matt Schaub. What a complete joke. Sure Eli has had his struggles (see 2nd half of 2006) but he is 500 times the quarterback that Losman has been, or will ever be.”
Explanation: Even if Eli didn’t win the Super Bowl, I still would’ve been right about this. The JP Losman argument doesn’t even dignify a response - Losman is absolutely horrible and will never start another game under center in the CFL, much less the NFL. Meanwhile, Matt Schaub could get beat out by Sage Rosenfelds (yes, that’s the guy’s name) for the starting spot in Houston. I still think Vince Young will get better, but everyone was obviously hammered-drunk on his Kool Aid before this season started. He’ll never put up great passing numbers, but I think he’ll be able to be a winner in the NFL someday. Right now, I have Eli ranked as the 6th best QB behind Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Tony Romo (zero playoff wins), Ben Roethlisberger, and Carson Palmer (who is beginning to run out of chances).
#23 eh? Who's laughing now?
Quotable: “OVERRATED
1) California – is there a move overrated coach in America than Jeff Tedord? Tell me, what big game has Cal ever won that didn’t involve a band on the field? Oh, and those “great” QBs he coached in college that carved up crappy Pac-10 defenses like Akili Smith, Joey Harrington, Kyle Boller, and Aaron Rodgers - all of them absolutely sucked in the NFL.
2) Florida State – they could cart out a Pee Wee football team and still be in the preseason Top 20. FSU always gets by just on their name recognition. Fact is, this team still has talent (but haven't had a quarterback in almost a decade) but is poorly coached. Jimbo Fisher is an upgrade, but Bobby Bowden is basically a corpse at this stage. This program’s best days are behind them.
3) Rutgers – cute and cuddly story last year. Ok, I’ll admit that Ray Rice is a player. But, you can’t tell me that this team can play on the same field as the Ohio States and Auburns of the world (meaning middle-of-the-pack Top 25 teams). Put the Scarlet Knights in a packed Ohio Stadium and see how they fare. Note: The Shots will not be accepting e-mail submissions that argue the contrary.”
Explanation: Cal almost made me look foolish early on, as they were a home win over Oregon State away from a #1 ranking in mid-October. But, they fell on their face late, with losses in six of their final seven regular season games. Florida State lost to Miami, and Rutgers dropped any early home game to a bad Maryland team. The three teams were all a part of the preseason Top 20, yet went a combined 22-17, and finished well out of the Top 25.
The “Clark Kellogg” Award (aka the “nice prediction, idiot” award)
Quotable: “Cleveland Browns (projected record: 4-12)
At least things are looking up for this team after an outstanding draft and some nice young talent on defense. That doesn’t change the fact that the Browns offense will be lead by QB Charlie Frye (3 TD, 17 INT last season) and the king of the two-yard carry in RB Jamal Lewis. Here are a few things that I can predict with certainty for Cleveland this season: 1) rookie QB Brady Quinn will eventually start, but no earlier than halfway through the season, 2) head coach Romeo Crennel will be taken out of his misery, and 3) kicker Phil Dawson will still be the best offensive threat on the team.”
Explanation: This was tough because I made so many horrible predictions for this season. I could’ve went with the Bulls winning the East, or the Tigers winning the World Series. But, I think this Super Bowl pick and Michigan in my BCS Championship game are #1 and #1A. In the interests of sounding bland, I stayed away from the Patriots/Chargers/Colts pick that everyone and their mother had, and went out on a limb with Baltimore. That being said, I’d be lying if I told you that I didn’t honestly believe that the Saints were the class of the NFC before the season started. Also, how bad were those three Browns predictions? 1) Brady Quinn threw too less passes than Charlie Frye (who was traded and didn’t play again after Week 1), 2) Romeo Crennel wasn’t canned, in fact he got a contract extension, and 3) Phil Dawson the best offensive weapon? Not so much. The Browns had several offensive juggernauts including Kellen Winslow (80 rec, 1,289 yards, 16 TD), Derek Anderson (3,787 passing yards, 29 TD), or Jamal Lewis (1,304 rush yards, 9 TD).
Well, I did pick the Giants to go 7-9…Maybe it isn’t so bad to be wrong.
Quotable: “There are 11,462 reasons to not pick Michigan to run the table this season. This Wolverines team is eerily similar to the 2006 Notre Dame team – tons of talent at all the skill positions, mediocre defense (certainly not as poor as ND’s was last year, but still not great) and not a ton of depth. Also, their head coach is Lloyd Carr. You have to put a lot of stock (or lack thereof) in a head coach, especially because he is capable of blowing the enitre season. But this schedule is set up perfectly. Michigan doesn’t leave the Big House until the last Saturday of September and they leave Ann Arbor just ONCE until November. What’s that one road game? Northwestern.”
Explanation: Two words: Appalachian State. Whoops. Funny that even within my prediction, I equated them to the 2006 Notre Dame team. At least I was spot-on with that pick.
I'd be lying if I told you I was really upset about the App. State shocker
The “Archive Manning” Award (aka the “I’m proud of myself” Award)
Quotable: “It was Magic at the Spectrum, MJ at the Delta Center, Reggie at the Garden. It was all those wrapped up into one. There was absolutely nothing that the Pistons, or anyone in the building for that matter, could do. LeBron was not letting his team lose.”
The best game I watched the entire year was that Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals. It even gets the nod over the epic Super Bowl XLII. The real challenge was using the proper words to describe how magnificent LeBron James really was in that game. I’m not even sure if I did it justice. To this day, that performance still amazes me. I'll never forget where I was when I watched that game.
The “Nada Surf” Award (aka the Most Popular Award)
Winner: ROCK BOTTOM: THE FACTS AND MYTHS ABOUT THE CURRENT STATE OF NOTRE DAME FOOTBALL (Week of September 17)
Quotable: MYTH: Weis has only won because he’s had Tyrone Willingham’s players.
So, when Ty won 10 games in his first season at ND in 2002, he only won because he had Bob Davie’s players? In any context, this argument is incredibly stupid. It’s like those that think that Mike Davis only took Indiana to the National Championship game in ‘02 because he had Bobby Knight’s players. In reality, Weis, Davis and Willingham won with those players because of their systems. Having Jared Jeffries as a point-forward and surrounding him with players that could shoot the lights out (Coverdale, Fife, Hornsby, even Odle) was perfect for Davis’ system. Having Brady Quinn as his quarterback, tall wide receivers (Samardzija, Stovall, McKnight), and pass-catchers/tremendous blockers at tailback (Darius Walker) and tight end (Fasano, Carlson) was perfect for Weis’ system. Having future NFL players in DE Justin Tuck, LB Courtney Watson, CB Vontez Duff, Safeties Glenn Earl and Gerome Sapp made Willingham’s senior-laden D in ’02 one of the best in the country. It’s about coaches adjusting and implementing systems that suit to the talents of their players.
Explanation: Believe it or not, the piece on Notre Dame football was the most viewed Schultz’s Shots of the year….by far. It had thousands of hits, mostly due to the fact that it was linked to by several Notre Dame football blogs. As much as I love the Irish, I feel like I was about as objective as possible in this breakdown.
The Swish of the Year
Quotable: “I may root for Manny Ramirez to get drilled in the ribs after he stands at home plate admiring a home run. I may root for a catcher with his mask on to punch Jason Varitek in the face while he’s standing in the batter’s box (you’re such a tough guy ‘Tek!). I may root for Curt Schilling’s Achilles to explode (again). But I’ll never root against Jon Lester. I called the performances of LeBron James and Paul Pierce in Game 7 “heroic” – how silly. Winning a World Series, tossing a no-hitter, and most importantly beating cancer? That is heroic.”
Explanation: Perhaps Lester can pair his Shotty Award with an ESPY at the end of the season. I'm not trying to be pompous when I say that a Shotty Award is probably worth just as much as a crappy ESPY.
The Brick of the Year
Quotable: “I heard the argument “well we have no proof (Sosa) did steroids so we can’t condemn him.” Sosa hit 36 home runs in 1997. He hit 66 in 1998. Still need proof? Sammy hit 35 long balls in 2004 in his last season with the Cubs. In 2005, MLB began their steroid testing policy and Sosa had just 14 dingers that year. Coincidence? Then Sosa goes before congress at the steroid hearings and suddenly he forgets how to speak English? Please. Spare me your “innocent until proven guilty” BS. I don’t need any proof. I have two eyeballs and a functioning brain.”
Explanation: What’s to explain? I still think Sosa cheated and each of his 600 career homers are as empty as a case of Miller Chill at a frat party.
"Yo, Sammy Sosa, Miller Chill, and Jack Johnson are totally awesome brah."
The Air Ball of the Year
Explanation: Florida State continually gets a free pass from everybody, and I just can’t understand why. Not only are the Seminoles nowhere close to being a football power any longer, they continue to break the rules like the good old days. At least if they were winning, I could get why people wouldn't be going after them. When I hear “Bobby Bowden” and “Legacy” uttered in the same sentence, it makes me want to puke.
The Shots “Pulitzer Prize”
Winner: THE BOSTON COLLEGE THEORY (Week of November 5)
http://xl950.com/Schultz-s-Shots----Week-of-November-5/1185064
Quotable: “MIDDLE TO LOW-TIER BOWL WINS
A common misconception is that Boston College won the Orange Bowl in 1984 against Miami. Contrary to popular belief, this is not the case. The 47-45 BC win came in the regular season, and that year BC won the Cotton Bowl 45-28 over Houston. At the time, the Cotton Bowl was one of the major bowl games (before the BCS). In their history, BC has played in two Cotton Bowls (1939, 1984), one Sugar Bowl (1940) and one Orange Bowl (1942). Many make a big deal about Boston College’s bowl success with a 13-6 mark including seven straight victories. But let’s take a closer look.
Since the conclusion of World War II, the Eagles have been to the following bowl games: Tangerine Bowl (1982), Liberty Bowl (1983), Cotton Bowl (1984), Hall of Fame Bowl (1986, 1992), Carquest Bowl (1993), Aloha Bowl (1994, 2000), Insight.com Bowl (1999), Music City Bowl (2001), Motor City Bowl (2002), San Francisco Bowl (2003), Continental Tire Bowl (2004), MPC Computers Bowl (2005), Mieneke Care Bowl (2006)
If you’re counting at home, that’s one major bowl (Cotton), then two bowl games named after computers/websites, three named after cities, one named after an auto parts store, one named after a tire, and another named after a store that can fix tires. Not exactly a prestigious lineup.”
Explanation: This may have been the article that I spent the most time researching. What made writing this so fun was that the whole Boston College Theory originally started out as a joke between a friend and I. Yet, when I looked more into it, I was amazed at all the facts that backed up the theory. By the way, their ACC Championship game loss to Virginia Tech and less-than-impressive three point bowl win over a mediocre 7-win Michigan State team in a crappy Champs Sports Bowl was further proof that the Boston College Theory is alive and well!
Video evidence which proves legitimacy of the Boston College Theory
The Shots Fantasy Update:
Boston Brawlers def. Robinson Cano & Co. II, 5-4
After lighting up the fantasy scoreboard for a 10-0 sweep two weeks ago, it’s been back to .500 ball for my injury-plagued fantasy baseball team. Chone Figgins can’t seem to get healthy and is now spending his 2nd stint on the DL. One of my most reliable starters, Fausto Carmona, is out for a few weeks – ditto for Chris Young who got his face shattered by an Albert Pujols line drive. The good news is that A-Rod is back to his old self, and this Jay Bruce guy seems to be doing a fine job in my Util spot.
Fantasy NASCAR, holding down 8th place after a decent 275 point week
This could’ve been a huge week for my team but because I was late in updating my roster, I was unable to start Carl Edwards in my “A” Group. Instead I went with Smoke for the first time this year and Stewart rewarded me with a 41st place finish. But, Greg Biffle led the most laps and was the 2nd highest scorer this week behind Kyle Busch, who I should really start placing in my lineup every week. Fantasy NASCAR is won in the “C” Group (that’s a Schultz-ism), and so far the rotation of Travis Kvapil and Brian Vickers has paid dividends.
I finally put Stewart intot the lineup and this happens. Thanks Smoke!
Fantasy Golf, 2nd to last place – but that’s a good thing
The good news is that with the way things have been going, I likely won’t finish in last place (97 point cushion). The bad news is that I have almost no chance of jumping up a spot or getting anywhere close to a podium finish (695 points out of 3rd place). It was a ho-hum week with top 20 finishes from Robert Allenby and Phil Mickelson. Also, I switched on to Jeff Quinney after Friday and he shot 2-under (142) for the weekend.
The Shots What to Watch this week:
Tampa Bay at Boston, Tuesday-Thursday
Lots has been made about the Ray’s recent homefield success (23-3 in last 26 games at Tropicana Field), however they are just 11-12 on the road. Now they venture back to FenwayPark, where they were swept exactly one month ago, to face a Red Sox team with an ML-best 21-5 home record.
LA Lakers at Boston, Thursday
With as much as I’ve bashed on the Celtics, and even Kobe Bryant at times, I have to admit that I am very much looking forward to this series. These are by far the two top franchises in NBA history and hopefully they can add another chapter to their storybook rivalry.
Belmont Stakes, Saturday
Big Brown has a chance to become the least-impressive horse to ever win a Triple Crown. It’s the equivalent to Roy Jones, Jr. in boxing. He fought “tomato cans” his whole life, building up an impressive record in the process, but will never be remembered as an all-time great. You ask any horse racing analyst (like the hilariously-named Randy Moss) and they’ll tell you that Big Brown’s success is more the product of extremely weak competition than his own dominance. All of that being said, Big Brown winning a Triple Crown would be great for horse racing, and I personally hope he is able to pull it off.
The Shots YouTube clips this week:
Sports related –
Mariah Carey “throwing” out the first pitch in Tokyo. As a side note, one of my best friends from high school and his then-girlfriend broke up about 20 different times in a two-year span. Every time they did, he would sulk around his room all day listening to Mariah Carey songs with the shades closed. So, when I hear/see Mariah Carey, it reminds me of being 16 and trying to get that sad mess to come out and drive me around (he had his license before any of my other friends). That way, I didn’t have to be seen on my bike, or in my parent’s mini-van with the “3 Babes” license plate… (Don’t ask.)
Non-sports related –
Best of Kimbo Slice (graphic). I don’t care he gets beat by UFC fighters, this dude is bad.
The Shots Chick Pick this week: Terrorist Sympathizer Rachel Ray
I was just kidding about that first part…
See you next week.
Listen to Derek as he hosts the Xtra Large Lunch, every weekday from noon to 1 PM on XL 950!
Shoot your own Shots in the mailbag derek@XL950.com.
