Since The Shots debuted in late May, this column has basically been dominated by baseball, racing and the NBA Playoffs. Here and there, The Shots hits the big news from the out-of-season sports like Michael Vick’s indictment and the tragic passing of Terry Hoeppner, but for the most part, it’s all about what’s in season.
Well, college football is less than two weeks away and this is really my happy time. I know a lot of you out there love the NFL, baseball or NHL hockey girls’ roller derby – and I love those as well - but really my passion is college football and basketball. So The Shots is excited to bring you the 2007 Super Stupendous College Football Sexy-Time Preview!
The Shots SSCFS-TP Top Ten:
1) USC (projected record: 12-0)
The Trojans have the best quarterback in the country in John David Booty, and they have about 30 tailbacks, any one of which would probably start for just about any team in the country. SC’s linebacker trio of Brian Cushin, Rey Maualuga and Keith Rivers is easily the best in the nation and their secondary returns all four starters, three of which were All-Conference last season. Look, I could go on and on about why USC is the best team in the country. But here’s what really sums them up: they have no weaknesses. Whatever they lose to the pros, they simply plug in another former super-recruit to replace him. It’s nauseating.
Nebraska and California will be tough road tests, but let’s be serious, unless SC beats themselves (i.e. Oregon State last year), there’s just no way they’ll lose to those inferior teams. Because they lost to UCLA last year, I'm sure that they’ll have no problem with the Bruins this year. Petey will have them prepared.
I’m not a betting man but I’d say there’s only a 1 in 20 chance that USC doesn’t go to the BCS Championship game.
2) Michigan (projected record: 12-0)
There are 11,462 reasons to not pick Michigan to run the table this season. This Wolverines team is eerily similar to the 2006 Notre Dame team – tons of talent at all the skill positions, mediocre defense (certainly not as poor as ND’s was last year, but still not great) and not a ton of depth. Also, their head coach is Lloyd Carr. You have to put a lot of stock (or lack thereof) in a head coach, especially because he is capable of blowing the enitre season. But this schedule is set up perfectly. Michigan doesn’t leave the Big House until the last Saturday of September and they leave Ann Arbor just ONCE until November. What’s that one road game? Northwestern. In fact, besides September home games against Notre Dame and Penn State (which UM still should win by 10+ points) they have smooth sailing until the last two weeks of the season when they pay Wisconsin a visit in Madison and host arch-nemesis Ohio State.
The Michigan offense is stacked. Chad Henne is a fourth-year starter at QB and behind him is Ryan Mallett, a highly touted top ten recruit last season. The elusive 5’9 Michael Hart will handle the workload in the backfield while wideouts Mario Mannigham and Adrian Arrington are big-play threats. The O-line returns three starters including All-Big Ten selections Jake Long and Adam Kraus on the left side. The D returns LB Shawn Crable and DT Terrance Taylor while Jamar Adams returns as the stating safety. Beyond that, there are big holes to fill with the NFL departures of CB Leon Hall, DT Alan Branch and LBs David Harris and LaMarr Woodley.
Talent-wise this team is better than both Wisconsin and Ohio State. Problem is that Camp Randall will be rocking when Michigan comes to town, especially if they’re undefeated, and to say that Jim Tressel owns the Wolverines would be the understatement of the century. I have to go with my gut, and I’m going to say that Michigan has the best shot out of the group of LSU, Virginia Tech, and Texas to go undefeated.
UM has to clear one major hurdle to run the table...
3) LSU (projected record: 11-1)
The 2006 Tigers had what might have been the most ridiculous conference schedule in college football history. LSU had road games at Auburn, Florida, Arkansas and Tennessee – talk about the gauntlet. All four of those teams were ranked in the top ten when LSU came to town. If not for that schedule, I believe that LSU would’ve at least been in the BCS Championship game, and maybe last year’s National Champion. Despite losing first-rounders JaMarcus Russell, Dwayne Bowe, Craig Davis and LaRon Landry, the Tigers still return 16 starters and four All-Conference players on both sides of the ball. Also, unlike last season, all the Tigers tough games are at home. Outside of a trip to Tuscaloosa to see former head coach Nick Saban (that is, if Saban is still around in November…), LSU catches all the big fish in Baton Rogue, including an intriguing September date with Virginia Tech. If the Tigers go undefeated, they’ll be in the BCS Championship game over Michigan because of their vastly superior schedule. However, it’s because of that schedule that I believe they will stub their toe somewhere along the way.
4) West Virginia (projected record: 12-0)
Let me get this out of the way – I do not like this team. They’re one-dimensional, they have no defense and they play a Conference USA caliber schedule. I’m going to be blunt: the Big East is garbage. Don’t be fooled by the West Virginia, Louisville, Rutgers “resurgence” last season. West Va lost to South Florida at home and gave up 35 points in the Gator Bowl to a Georgia Tech offense that mustered just six against Wake Forest in the ACC Championship. Louisville had to put up 30+ points per week to win and Rutgers had North Carolina (3-9), Illinois (2-10), and Howard (I-AA) as part of their non-conference schedule in addition to their Big East cupcake-fest (oh, and they lost to Cincinnati by 19 points). Any of those three teams would lose four games in the SEC.
But, getting back to the matter at hand, the Mountaineers offense has National Championship-talent with QB Pat White (really a glorified tailback, I don’t think he actually throws the ball) and RB Steve Slaton. I’ll also give them credit in the coaching department because Rich Rodriguez knows his stuff. Frankly, I think this team will probably go undefeated, as long as they can get by their super tough non-conference game at Maryland (ooooohhhh scary). Problem is, because of their schedule, they are not worthy of being placed above a one-loss LSU team (or a one-loss USC team if that happens). Plus, LSU and USC are both easily two touchdowns better than the Mountaineers, and you can’t convince me otherwise. Note: The Shots will not be accepting e-mail submissions that argue the contrary.
Here's a rare occurrence...Pat White throwing the ball
5) Virginia Tech (projected record 11-1)
The Hokie D has statistically been the nation’s best for two straight years and they return eight starters on that unit. The offense is boringly average, but All-ACC RB Branden Ore is a workhorse. The front-seven, especially the LB corps of Vince Hall, Xavier Adibi and Corey Gordon is viciously aggressive. The Special Teams under Frank Beamer are always among the nation’s elite and should overcome losing starters at kicker, punter and long-snapper. After a death march to LSU in the 2nd week of the season, their only other tough road test is at Georgia Tech, who smacked them around last year in Blacksburg. In fact, VT wraps up their season with that road game at Tech, Florida State and Miami at home and Virginia on the road. It’ll be tough for the Hokie to go unscathed through that four-game stretch.
Hopefully with everything that this program has had to overcome in the past year, they can be a feel-good story.
6) Florida (projected record 11-1)
I don’t think they’ll miss a beat without Chris Leak. Sophomore QB Tim Tebow has tons of talent and has lots of weapons around him, including fellow youngster WR Percy Harvin. Bad news for the Gators is their front-seven is decimated with no returning starters and the secondary is young. Good news is, those kids will mostly be playing in front of a home crowd. Florida does go at LSU but gets Auburn, Tennessee and Florida State at The Swamp.
7) Texas (projected record: 10-2)
The Big 12 was weak last year and the Longhorns were still unable to capture the BCS auto-bid. But, Texas returns a boatload of talent from last year’s team with senior Limas Sweed (seems like he’s been there forever) and sophomore stud Colt McCoy. A healthy Derek Lokey returns from a season ending leg injury and the rest of the D has promise. The big question mark here is the secondary, which lost three starters off a pass defense that was ranked 99th nationally. This team is one year away from being a serious Championship contender, but they’re still the class of the slipping Big 12 Conference.
8) Wisconsin (projected record: 10-2)
Last year’s team was a nice story, but they probably weren’t as good as their record indicated. The Badgers played Michigan tough in the Big House but to believe they would’ve knocked off Ohio State, at home or on the road, is just wishful thinking. RB P.J. Hill is a stud and may be a Heisman winner by the time his time is done in Madison. CB Jack Ikegwuonu is only a junior, yet will be a top-five pick in next years’ NFL Draft. Even with the departure of All-Everything Joe Thomas, the offensive line is massive and egregiously underrated with four returning starters – three of which were All-Big Ten performers last season.
Wisky’s schedule doesn’t do them any favors this season. Under the unbalanced Big Ten schedule, they miss Michigan State and Northwestern, two of the bottom-tier teams in the conference. Wisconsin visits Penn State at Happy Valley and has to go to the Horseshoe to take on Ohio State. Those two games are followed by a November home game with Michigan. The Badgers could take two of those tough games. But, they don’t have a realistic chance of winning all three of those games.
9) Oklahoma (projected record: 10-2)
The Sooners will have another new QB, with junior Joey Halzle taking the snaps this year. Halzle won’t have the security-blanket that Adrian Peterson used to provide but he does have WR Malcom Kelly (62 receptions last season) and a great O-line. Oklahoma also boasts the best secondary in the Big 12 with three returning starters and one of the nation’s best kickers in Garret Hartley (hey, you saw what Mike Nugent did for Ohio State). The schedule includes an interesting home game against Miami in September and a road date in Lubbock against Texas Tech. OU could do reverse the recent trend with a victory over Texas in the Cotton Bowl. The winner of that game basically assures themselves of a BCS bid.
10) Louisville (projected record: 10-2)
You saw my Big East rant earlier. But, I’ll give Louisville a little credit, considering they have to go at Kentucky, at West Virginia and at South Florida this year. QB Brian Brohm is a Heisman favorite and if RB Michael Bush was back, I’d say the Cards had a good National Championship shot. But I think this team was better last year before blowing a golden opportunity at Rutgers. They have a dynamic WR duo in Mario Urrutia and Harry Douglas (128 catches, 12 TD combined) but they’re going to be predictable without any semblance of a running game. The Cards defense is underrated The Redbirds had 44 sacks last season but they lost DT prodigy Amobi Okoye to the NFL
I think this is a better team than West Virginia. I just don’t see them winning in Morgantown.
OVERRATED
1) California – is there a move overrated coach in America than Jeff Tedord? Tell me, what big game has Cal ever won that didn’t involve a band on the field? Oh, and those “great” QBs he coached in college that carved up crappy Pac-10 defenses like Akili Smith, Joey Harrington, Kyle Boller, and Aaron Rodgers, all of them absolutely sucked in the NFL.
2) Florida State – they could cart out a Pee Wee football team and still be in the preseason Top 20. FSU always gets by just on their name recognition. Fact is, this team still has talent (but haven't had a quarterback in almost a decade) but is poorly coached. Jimbo Fisher is an upgrade, but Bobby Bowden is basically a corpse at this stage. This program’s best days are behind them.
3) Rutgers – cute and cuddly story last year. Ok, I’ll admit that Ray Rice is a player. But, you can’t tell me that this team can play on the same field as the Ohio States and Auburns of the world (meaning middle-of-the-pack Top 25 teams). Put the Scarlet Knights in a packed Ohio Stadium and see how they fare. Note: The Shots will not be accepting e-mail submissions that argue the contrary.
Rutgers was a nice story.... So was the Lion King
UNDERRATED
1) UCLA – their curse is that Karl Dorrell is easily one of the worst coaches in the entire country. So even though talent-wise (21 returning starters!!!) this team screams 11-1, they’ll probably finish somewhere in the 8-4 range.
2) Boston College
Forgive me Notre Dame gods. First I put USC and Michigan in my BCS Championship then I list BC as underrated. I’ll have to light a candle at the Grotto for my sins. But seriously, I think Matt Ryan is a Heisman sleeper and the Eagles are just a solid team all-around. Losing Tom O’Brien could hurt them though.
3) Arkansas
Explain to me why people soured on the Razorbacks so quickly? This is the same team that went into Auburn and rolled the Tigers, whacked Tennessee and lost to LSU, Florida and Wisconsin by a combined 18 points, right? The Hogs also return one of the best backfields in the country with Darren McFadden and Felix Jones. I’m not saying this is a BCS team but they’re certainly not the 42nd best team in the country, which is where I’ve seen them projected in some publications.
SSCFS-TP Quickies:
HESIMAN WINNER: John David Booty, USC
HEISMAN DARKHORSE: Ian Johnson, Boise State
GUY WHO’S GOOD THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT: Brian Brohm, Louisville
GUY WHO’S GOOD THAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT: Andre’ Woodson, Kentucky
OVERRATED HEAD COACH: Mack Brown, Texas
UNDERRATED HEAD COACH: Jim Leavitt, South Florida
HEAVYWEIGHT PRIZE FIGHT: Virginia Tech at LSU 9/8
BCS BUSTER: TCU at Texas 9/8
UPSET SPECIAL: West Virginia at South Florida, 9/28
BEST ATMOSPHERE: Michigan at Wisconsin, 11/10
BRING ROLAIDS: Texas at Texas A&M, 11/23
BRING ASPIRIN: Buffalo at Temple, 9/8
BRING A BASKETBALL: UConn at Duke, 9/1
BRING A CALCULATOR: Boise State at Hawaii, 11/23
BRING A BULLET-PROOF VEST: Florida International at Miami, 9/15
SCHEDULING GODS HATE YOU: Utah (@Oregon State, @Louisville, @TCU, @BYU, UCLA)
SCHEDULING GODS LOVE YOU: Indiana (no Michigan or Ohio State)
REMEMBER ME? Sam Keller, Nebraska (transferred from Arizona State)
YOU’RE STILL HERE? Tom Zbikowski, Notre Dame
READY FOR A PROMOTION: Mike Riley, Oregon State
READY FOR A PINK SLIP: Al Groh, Virginia
READY FOR A WALKER: Joe Paterno, Penn State
READY FOR A THICKBURGER: Mark Mangino, Kansas
NEEDS A PR GUY: Tashard Choice, Gerogia Tech
NEEDS A FAKE ID: Jimmy Clausen, Notre Dame
NEEDS A HUG: Drew Weatherford, Florida State
SHOOTING THE REST OF THE SPORTS WORLD:
Tons of swishes and bricks this week with some great (and not so great) individual performances on and off the field…
Swish: Micah Owings, Brandon Webb and the Arizona Diamondbacks
This team and its players are playing absolutely out of their minds right now. Micah Owings vs. the Braves on Saturday might have been the performance of the year so far. He had a solid pitching performance, giving up three runs over seven innings and striking out seven. In addition, he was 4-5 from the plate, scored four runs, drove in six and hit two home runs including a tape-measure shot to dead center that would make Cecil Fielder blush. The day before, fellow D’Backs hurler Brandon Webb pitched a two-hit shutout, his third consecutive complete game shutout and 42nd straight scoreless inning, setting a new franchise record. Only Orel Hershiser (59 - still the record), Don Drysdale, Bob Gibson and Sal Magile (combined 21 All-Star games, 4 Cy Youngs and 3 World Series MVPs) have had longer scoreless streaks. Webb can extend the streak Wednesday when he faces the self-imploding Milwaukee Brewers at Chase Field. Oh and by the way, Arizona has won 21 of their last 27 games.
Owings turned in maybe the greatest hitting performance by a pitcher in history
Brick: Warren Central
Losing 16 starters and 10 Division-I recruits is tough for every program, but it’s not like the Warriors hadn’t lost talent before in their string of four-straight 5A State championships. Warren Central, despite being #1 in both the AP and coaches preseason polls, wasn’t necessarily the favorite to 5-peat however nobody expected them to fall in their opener. Merrillville, unranked to enter the season and coming off a 7-5 campaign in 2006, upset mighty Warren Central, handing the Warriors their first loss since October 14, 2005.
Air Ball: Charles Rogers and Tim Couch
Rogers was the definition of “Can’t Miss” coming out of Michigan State in 2002. I still remember that Notre Dame/MSU game that season. Rogers made one of the greatest catches I have ever seen, grabbing a Jeff Smoker (speaking of “where are they now?”) pass and somehow getting one foot down in the very back of the end zone. To this day, that is probably the greatest catch I have ever seen, no joke. Just four years and three substance abuse violations later, Rogers was out of the NFL and now he’s trying to make it in the CFL. As for Couch, the former #1 overall pick in 1999, he was cut by the Jaguars last week after failing to win the 3rd string QB job. But, don’t feel too bad for Tim, he’s still (somehow) married to former Playboy Playmate of the Year Heather Kozar. These guys should thank God every single night for Ryan Leaf. He’s the only reason why neither of them is the biggest bust in the history of the NFL Draft.
Charles still has his weed.. while Tim still has his supermodel wife
Swish: Johan Santana
Remember when The Shots proclaimed a couple months ago that Justin Verlander’s stuff in his no-hitter was “pornographic?” Well, Johan was dealing some X-rated girls-gone-wild smut on Sunday as well. Johan’s line: 8 IP, 2 H, 0 BB, 17 K. What’s makes it so filthy is that only four of Santana’s 108 pitches were sliders. The rest of the 104 were either fastballs or change-ups. Hitters can sit on his change-up and still look silly because it’s absolutely devastating (around 10 MPH less than his fastball). It’s like Mariano Rivera’s cutter circa 1997-2003 - it’s basically un-hittable.
Brick: Little League pitch count rule
Speaking of 17 K’s, Garrett Williams from Lubbock, TX struck out the first 17 batters he faced in the Little League World Series, but had to leave the game in the 6th because there is an 85-pitch maximum for pitchers. Williams had his chance to tie the LLWS record for strikeouts in a game or consecutive K’s to start a game (18) taken away from him. But, congratulations anyway to young Garrett for his Chris Drury-like performance.
Air Ball: Jose Offerman
The washed up 38 year-old former Boston 2nd baseman (think Julio Lugo’s contract, only in eight years ago but just as horrible) charged the mound during an Independent league game in Bridgeport with his bat in hand and swung several times at the pitcher that hit him. The ridiculous part of the whole thing is that Offerman, now a member of the Long Island Ducks, got hit in the calf with a slider. Last time I checked, when pitchers intentionally throw a batter it’s usually in the back with a fastball. There is never a scenario that warrants charging the mound with a bat. Side note: I’ve actually been to tons of Bluefish games. Their stadium is only about 5 minutes from where I grew up in Connecticut.
Julio Lugo in 10 years?
Swish: Brady Quinn’s debut
BQ completed 13 of 20 passes for 155 yards and two touchdowns in his preseason debut, albeit against the Detroit Lions 3rd stringers. But, his performance was great compared to the three-headed monster of Charlie Frye/Derek Anderson/Ken Dorsey, who combined for 175 yards and 2 INT. I don’t know if Quinn is an NFL starter right now. But, the Browns should throw Quinn in the fire early and see what he can do, and I’m not saying that just because I’m an ND fan. This team will never go anywhere with Frye/Anderson/Dorsey, but maybe they could go somewhere with Quinn (someday).
Brick: Jimmy Clausen
From a former ND quarterback, to a current one - Clausen, the #1 prep player in the country last year and the appointed “savior” of Notre Dame football, was cited for transporting alcohol as a minor, which is a misdemeanor. Look, I may have had this friend who did the same thing as Jimmy a couple hundred times when he was a college freshman and sophomore. In fact, back in the day, my friend may or may not have gotten cited for a similar the exact same offense. But, then again, my friend wasn’t competing for the starting quarterback job at the University of Notre Dame. Stupidity is ok if you’re Johnny A. Freshman, but not if you’re the best high school quarterback since John Elway. Jimmy, for your own sake (and so I can sleep at night), concentrate on football, not boozing it up with your buddies. Leave the citations and arrests for the programs like USC and Florida State.
The Shots What to Watch this week:
U.S. Open - Next Monday
It's still a week away but this is my favorite Tennis grand slam of the year. Seeding was released the other day. Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic are the top three in order. Please do well Andy Roddick. Show me that you have a pulse.
Cleveland at Detroit – Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday
Tribe lead the Tigers by 2 ½ games going into Comerica. This is a critical homestand for the Tigers (The Shots pre and mid-season pick to win it) who after playing the Indians, welcome the Yankees to town. If they lose both series, you can pretty much kiss their playoff chances bye-bye.
The Shots YouTube clips this week:
Here’s a clip of Michael Rando’s game-saving 2 out catch against Ohio which gave his team a LLWS victory. Little League web gems are sweet.
This clip is great for so many reasons. If I could do this with one athlete, it would be Carl Pavano and I would call him “Carla.” If he went after me, all I would have to do was kick him in the backside and he’d be on the 60-day DL with a butt fracture or something.
The Shots Chick Pick this week: Anna Faris
Saw her a couple times on Entourage the last two weeks. Pretty sweet.
See you next week.
